CHAP OLYMPIAD 2012

Last Sunday I had the pleasure of attending the Chap Olympiad 2012. This event organised by “The Chap” magazine is the best dressed sporting event on the planet where panache and wit are reward and athletic ability is utterly irrelevant.

The Chap magazine (@thechapmag) is a bi-monthly periodical dedicated to the Chap Manifesto and promotion of the self-coined Anarcho-Dandyism. The movement has many followers inside and outside the British Isles and has been recently known for staging protests against Abercrombie & Fitch and their move into Saville Row, more can be read [HERE]. The Chap Magazine website has numerous features, information & even a small shop, and can be found [HERE].

The event was staged in Bedford Gardens in London, hidden by trees from the entire world and entering it did indeed feel like stepping into a parallel universe. Within this strange realm, apparel was immaculate and eccentric, manners were plentiful and there wasn’t a bad word to be said about anything or anyone. Having refreshed myself with some fine Navy Rum, our host Tristan Langlois told us that the program and in fact linear time should largely be ignored and that proceedings would occur whenever they deemed it fashionable.

The opening ceremony was conducted by none other than the editor of The Chap magazine, Gustav Temple. After passing around the Olympic Pipe to all the competitors, it was returned to its stand to preside over and give blessing for events to begin. Please click on any of the images to be taken to the full album with further commentary, found [HERE].

[Fig.1] Gustav temple opens the Games with the Olympic Pipe.

The first half of the games consisted of the cucumber sandwich discus, in which sandwich-plate proximity and poise were paramount. There was a disqualification for the notorious Fleur De Guerre (@fleurdeguerre) who was dismissed instantly for sporting attire. Fleur is a freelance style guru and journalist whose website can be found [HERE] and YouTube channel featuring several handy guides for the fairer sex [HERE].

[Fig.2] The winning toss here shows blinding sophistication and poise.

This was followed by the ironing board surfing event, the aim here is to carry atop a homely plinth a team member and to parade them the length of the course and back without causing an unexpected and most ungracious dismount.

[Fig.3] Kitty von Minx left lost out to the tried and tested gin baiting of the rival team.

Next came the three legged trouser limbo race, in which pairs donned custom made competition trousers and attempted to catch then negotiate the limbo bar before turning, repeating and returning to the end of the course. The most difficult part of the event was that the limbo bar itself often had very different ideas as to the nature of the event.

[Fig.4] Contestants prepare by donning the custom racing trousers.

Proceedings moved forward with the umbrella bicycle jousting. The steeds were provided by Tally-ho Cycle Tours, found [HERE]. This event proved somewhat dangerous in wet conditions but health and safety officials are banned from the event for fun spoiling. There was much skulduggery and as the tournament progressed stranger and more elaborate tactics were employed.

[Fig.5] The Eastern Chap here, showing that a steed is not necessarily the best way to win a joust, dismounting early and accosting our future gold medallist with his staff.

We broke for lunch and after polishing off a 6oz rib-eye steak sandwich, we returned to be regaled by Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer (@gentlemanrhymer). This artist is renowned in the Chap-hop community and his audacious but eloquent covers of popular songs notorized in vulgarity are wonderful to behold. His website can be found [HERE].

Following much dancing and frolicking the important matter of proceeding decided to take helm. The briefcase phalanx was an opportunity to show great guile as competitors used minibars, feminine wiles and ever reading from first edition literary works to distract and effectively bypass the assembled warriors.

[Fig.7] A competitor is bombarded with Tyrells Crisps (the event sponsor) as he attempts to break through the phalanx of rival chaps.

Bounders followed, in which women had caddish word whispered into their ears by devilish gentlemen, and the gentleman with the most slapped face would be declared the winner. The event was abandoned as “Atters” took full command and managed to individually offend the sensibilities of every woman present, maintaining is reputation vehemently. Pictures of such a vulgar spectacle will not be shown.

Shouting at foreigners took its leave at this juncture, an event in which the sole aim was to legitimately purchase wares from a less than co-operative foreigner, saluting that great British tourist heritage. The foreigner was affected by last year’s gold medallist. Your author took part and conjured an oooh from the crowd but alas was defeated by a somewhat unexpected sword cane.

[Fig.8] Our Compare, Tristan Langlois shows incredible presence as our improvised foreigner shows and incredible ability to ignore the presence of his British Customer. Shortly after this was taken, a sword can was drawn and fruit salad was promptly fashioned by way of self service.

The final event was the tug of hair, in which teams tussled over “Atters” promptly over-sized moustache. Again your author took part and the event was declared a tie as the moustache was bisected and “Atters” mysteriously injured.

[Fig.9] Michael “Atters” Attree donned the mighty tugging moustache as two teams battled to wrestle control of the pogonotrophic leviathan. Your Author partook in this event, and it was most jovial.

The bronze, silver and gold medals were then presented by Gustav Temple. After a lap of honour for the victor, games ceased but merriment continued long into the evening. I would like to draw attention to Mr Wax (@wax_industries) and his fine wax, of which I purchased a tin. His website can be found [HERE] and is most certainly worth checking out. Also “Atters” has a journal that can be found [HERE]. The event was sponsored by Tyrells Potato chips.

A great video covering the event can be found [HERE].

As always if you enjoy the coverage here please use the sidebar to subscribe and/or follow me on twitter @scientificmoust .

Regards

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One comment

  1. […] The novelty book is “The Moustache Growers Guide” by Lucien Edwards. This is a gift book featuring tips on growing, shaping and styling a multitude of pogonotrophic wonders. It will join my growing collection of books that I have received on the subject, and while Mario is not the first, the thought is still very much appreciated. As an interesting note, in the handlebar subsection, under notable wearers, one Michael “Atters” Attree was listed. How he came to the light of our author in San Francisco remains a mystery but he can be seen featuring more heavily in last week’s coverage of the Chap Olympiad, found [HERE]. […]

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